I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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