one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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