Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
