Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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