okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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