put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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