She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
