I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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