FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
