I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
