there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
