I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
