too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
