Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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