I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
