Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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