Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
