he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
