evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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