The maid of honor just puked.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This toilet bowl is my home.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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