Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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