to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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