I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
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