Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
