So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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