yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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