I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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