why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
PANTIES FOUND
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
