You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
