margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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