he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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