My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
