its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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