I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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