What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
