my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize