11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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