I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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