looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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