u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
