i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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