plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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