It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
