Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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