Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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