sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
