OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
