Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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