airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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