Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
