so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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