yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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