My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
