last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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