He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
