note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself