the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Where is the hickey?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me