my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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