It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked