You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
