And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth