The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.