I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
