Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
