Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
