Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
