Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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