we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
